Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Batman - #664 Review

Batman #664

Synopsis: Bruce Wayne gets a call in Gibraltar where he's just beaten up what looks like hundreds of Man-Bat ninjas XD The woman on the other line wants to meet up with him :O

Bruce parachutes onto a high mountain top where she is and then they go skiing :O He spots a helicopter following her and nails it with one of the ski poles, taking it down! But it turns out just to be Paparazzi. They go to dinner and it's revealed that the woman, Jezebel and Bruce are old friends and her father was assasinated for what he believed in. :O Bruce said that he got over his parents deaths. >.>;;; LIAR!!! XDD

In Gotham a ridiculous looking pimp is arguing with some cops who want to hire some of his prostitutes. :o They refuse to work b/c the girls that go into this building, die. The cops insist the girls have to go in to pacify "him".

Batman interrupts and beats ppl up! :O

Batman grabs the pimp and roughs him up, then talks to the girls. He finds the youngest girl who he apparently knows, and gives her a Waynetech card telling her that they're hiring secretaries. The other prostitutes them him that the guy inside is a cop. :o

Batman goes into the building and several inner monologues later, he confronts this giant Bane-type guy wearing a Batman cape and cowl :O They fight and Batman thinks about how this is linked to the cop in the Batman costume who shot Joker in the face and how it all relates to the black casebook and how everybody's in danger :O Batman gets beaten up and Bane-Batman steps on his back with a sickening crack! Bane-Batman walks away leaving Batman lying on the ground with a huge footprint on his back!

Review: "Bent Cops. Monsters. Sick sweet smell of human flesh past its sell-by date. The crawling sixth sense that tells me I'm on to something rotten. I'm opening a can so full of worms you could bury your dead in there and they'd be bones by morning."




I thought we were DONE with this! This isn't even a prose issue!!!! >_<;;;

I rly dun think NEBODY actually thinks like this or has this sorta inner monologue.

Batman's rly mean to his prostitute friend :( She says she can't read or write and he says "I don't need to hear excuses. You can talk. You can smile and answer a phone, right?"

Um... and what happens when she has to take a message? What happens when she has to write a memo, or read a memo? >.> Being a secretary isn't just being cute, smiling and saying "HI!" to ppl.

Even a reception girl, which is what he said she can do, should know how to read and write. >.>;; But at least he IS trying to help.. in his sociopathic Batman way XD

He's handing out WAYNETECH CARDS NOW!?

Nightwing got Raptor's wife a job at Waynetech's warehouse. I can't remember the exact situations, but I know Batman and his Batfriends have been helping ppl get jobs at Waynetech and other places whenever they need help. :o

Isn't that just a LITTLE suspicious? And dun ppl wonder why Bruce Wayne seems okay that BATMAN is telling prostitutes to look for work at his company? >.>;;

And is Bruce Wayne PERSONALLY interviewing these girls or something? How can he guarantee that they'll get jobs there? Esp if they have no place to live, prolly can't type up a resume (since she can't READ OR WRITE) and since she can barely talk properly, wun make for a good interview. >.>;;

Also it amuses me b/c of this line from the (rly humourous) Government Manual for New Superheroes:

When in civilian mode, do not tell others that you are a superhero. Conversely, when you are in superhero mode, do not let on who you are the rest of the time with any specificity, even when you must forgo an opportunity to advance your civilian career or that of a close friend or relative. For example if your father is a glazier, you must keep yourself from handing out his business card even after a battle that leaves many large storefront windows shattered.


And here Batman is handing out Waynetech business cards and saying "here, ask them for a job, you'll get hired, promise" >.>;;;

Can't Batman direct her to Leslie Thompkins (is she still evil? I can't keep track nemore XD) or somebody and then THEY direct the girls to Waynetech? >.>;;

Batman is becoming more and more like Ironman XD How long until Batman "works" for Waynetech?

The rest of the story isn't very interesting either, since all that rly happened is that Batman beat some ppl up and then got beaten up by Bane-Batman >.>;;

And broke his back again. <.<;; Manhunter is featuring the old Manhunter becoming the new Azrael, so it's perfect timing!!! XDDD

OH!!! My friend Trish just pointed out something I completely missed! SHE CAN'T READ! HE GAVE HER A BUSINESS CARD!!!! XDDDDDDD That's MEAN! >:O

Neways... I'm thinking of dropping this book. >.>;; Morrison can be a rly good writer, but right now he seems obsessed with the similes and making stories that aren't interesting, are uber violent, and are making me go O_O;; WTF!????

Also Bruce Wayne throws a ski pole perfectly aimed at a trailing helicopter that nobody paid much attention to and blew it out of the sky. >.> Honestly, does he even care about his sekrit identity at all!? XDDD He tries to play it off as an accident. Riiight. How many times has a ski pole "accidentally" flown straight into the air like a bullet slamming perfectly into the rotor mechanism of a helicoptor that's hundreds of feet above the skiers!? I'd be surprised if it even happened ONCE in human history XD

Hitting that helicoptor looks rly hard to do on purpose much less by accident!!!! >.>;;

On a side note, I think Batman rly needs an associate who runs a social work clinic or something, something that he can use to fight the roots of crime while he tackles the symptoms. :)

Actually, it's a wasted opportunity that Diana (wanting to know more about humans and work with them) didn't take something like THAT as her sekrit identity. :( Instead she has a secret agent job that isn't going to tell her how regular normal society works or nething >.>;; Her goal with the identity was to get to know the ppl she's saving better. Yet, she works in an elitist government institution. I'm sure the ppl working there aren't ppl who need her to save them >.>;;;


Angelwings Rating: 2 Bane-Batmen out of 5 Bat-Banemen
Recommendation: If you want a good laugh, you might want to check this issue out. XD There's a lot of rly unintentionally amusing stuff XDDD But for an actual Batman story, this isn't very good at all :(


Brooks said...

It's amazing how you pretty much feel the same way about each issue that I do.

Jen said...

This book was ALL homage. Gah. Morrison needs to make up his mind, you can't have James Bond/Sin City/All Star Batman/Silver Age Batman all in one comic. Frankly, I don't want homages to ANY of the above in a 2007 Batman comic, but whatever. I agree with your review, too, Ami.

GiantKillerMantis said...

What brooks said. I just decided to drop Batman and probably Detective, too.

What's up with the room full of dead hookers? Enough with the ultraviolence, already!

I have this image of Waynetech staffed entirely by ex-prostitutes. They must have some killer office parties.

Jeffery Duke said...

Detective seems to only be good when Dini writes it. The filler writers can't hold a candle to him

Anonymous said...

I, too, agree, this issue of Batman was thin on good plot, too full of overly-noir writing, etc.

And what was up with that super fey pimp?? I found that character pretty offensive, actually...

Marr said...

Wait, if Batman is still in Gibraltar laying the beat down on the remaining ninja Man-Bats does that mean that the uber-gritty Joker issue didn't happen?

Marr Vell

Marr said...

*crosses fingers*

Joel Bryan said...

Yeah, Bruce Wayne is a smart guy. There's nothing like further associating his Batman person with his civilian identity. No one's ever gonna look at photos of both of them and think, "Hmm... Batman sure nees a lot of money to do all the stuff he does... and he looks a LOT like this Bruce Wayne guy... who's a BILLIONAIRE. WHOSE PARENTS WERE MURDERED!"

Ami Angelwings said...

Joel, I just can't wait until the scandal hits the papers XD Can you imagine it? XD

I mean, if you knew nothing about Batman and Bruce Wayne's connection (which in theory nobody should know), and you found out that 14 year old prostitutes are being hired over more qualified ppl for cushy jobs in Waynetech, and Bruce Wayne PERSONALLY is the one who orders these hirings, and then you find out that Batman has been roaming the slums giving out Waynetech cards to Prostitutes...

The only logical conclusion is that either some crime lord has a hold on Bruce, or that Bruce... is.. up... to.. stuff... with... 14 year old prostitutes.. and he uses Batman to procure them...



Joel Bryan said...

Now Batman and Bruce Wayne are super-creeps!

Yeah, explain that one to the board of directors and the stock holders.

And isn't 14 too young to hold a job anyway?

Ami Angelwings said...

I'm not actually sure if she's 14 or just LOOKS 14 Joel XD

She looks RLY young :|

Either way, if she has no place to go, it's rly unfair for Batman to assume she can get a job at the snap of a finger :\ She prolly has no references and since she can't read or write, no way to put together a resume. And Gotham seems to srsly lack places that help youth :( Esp Grant Morrison's Gotham which is so rotten and evil and destructive that it takes 100 similes to describe XDDD

Fictioneer said...

Who'd have thought that the insane ramblings of two humor writers would be prescient?

Thanks for the plug!

Matthew David Brozik
(and Jacob Sager Weinstein by proxy)